NEW LIFE = NIGHTMARE (Part Seven)

Today...
I am seriously very unhappy when Ms Beh break the news to me...
I feel like crying...

Ms Beh told me that I'm BARRED from my HHR final exam...
I was in schocked!
So am I now...
Still not believing that I had been BARRED from exam...

For most of the reasons that I skipped the class is because I woke up late...
Due to need to take care of baby King, do homework, do assignment, work and tidy up the room until late night...
Plus...
Every morning I need to call him up like a thousands of times...
I know that he is very tired...
But there is nothing much that can do when you don't have a car for me to bring baby King to the baby sitter...
Well...
No matter he is in the afternoon shift or in the morning shift...
He also had to get up early to send baby King to the baby sitter...
And there is sometimes that I am in the morning class and he was in the afternoon shift...
This situation is really making me CRAZY!!!

I'm getting a second thought on our marriage...
I would just like to leave...
I would just like to give up...
I am seriously very tired...
I am sorry...
What a woman got to do what a woman got to do...

Since I'm married...
My attendance record is not that good...
It's either LATE or ABSENT...
I want to make it right...
I want to move back to my mother's house...
I want to just FOCUS on my studies...
I want to just FOCUS on my baby King...
I want to just TAKE CARE of my family...
My mother espeacilly...
Doing a lot of part time in order to let us have a good life...
Since daddy died...
She had been a very very hard time on raising us...
I didn't even know that she had her heart surgery...
Every time I think about this...
I cried...
I am not there to accompany her...
I want to grab my chance to accompany her and do what I can to be by her side before it is too late...
Even now...
Baby King's diapers, food, toys, walker...
Whatever baby things you named it...
She pay for it...
NOT the father!!!

So the conclusion is...
I will be moving back to my house when he went to Korea for holiday for a week...
And I will go back to his house...
Because to me...
His house is like a HOSTEL to me...
I put my things there...
Have my shower...
I slept there...
And when the sun arise...
I'm out for the day...
Since is like that...
I am going to move back at least until I am graduate...
Otherwise...
He need to buy a house for the three of us to stay with...

NEW LIFE = NIGHTMARE (Part Six)

最近真的有如天跌下来的感觉；
不好的事情，
不好的感觉，
一连串的发生！

前天联络到屋主去看屋子
他因为做晚班
所以就有可能没办法去看
那他就提议说叫他爸陪我去看
当时的心情就是：
为什么每当我们小两口要做什么之前都要向他的父母说？
我是一个很注重私人空间的人，
我真的很不喜欢别人来插手我的家事！
除非我本人允许他人进入，
不然我对那些人会很反感！
可是他的父母就是这样，
爱管爱给意见！
他也是一个，
什么事都要告诉他父母，
什么事都要问他们意见！
到底我现在是嫁给你还是嫁给你父母？
你都这么大了，
有些事情应该可以自己做决定了，
为什么还要好像三岁小孩子一样，
“妈咪，我这样好不好？”
“爸爸，我可以买这个吗？”
我再这样忍下去总有一天会进精神病院！
我会受不了，
我会想不开，
我会去割手的！
我没有也放弃去插手你管你孩子的事情，
请你们可以不要介入我们小两口的世界吗？
你们有你们管孩子的方法，
孩子一两个星期不去上课也无所谓；
我有我的生活方式，
我不希望我儿子会像你们家的小孩那样！
我绝对会反对把儿子交给你们照顾！

说回当天看屋子的情形，
如果不是我妈咪叫我叫他们去看屋子，
我也懒得去理会他们，
妈咪好心去载他们一起去看屋子，
上车没有跟我妈咪打招呼，
照理说我妈咪是你们的长辈，
一句的问候你们都不可肯问，
那天还说我没家教，
那你们又如何？
这个场面就好像当我妈咪无道！
可恶！
过后他爸爸就开始打电话给他的朋友，
叫他朋友一起来看屋子也不说一声，
那么神秘做什么？

上到去那边，
看了那屋子，
又无声无声的自己跑下楼下去，
没有说一声！
都不知道什么人来的！
看完了，
我妈咪回家先，
而我就等他们跟他们一起回,
会去之前还坐在那边一段时间说废话，
明知道我不会听潮州话还要用潮州话来商量！
这算什么意思？

经过这件事，
我自己有了一个结论：
潮州人，特别麻烦，特别挑剔！

NEW LIFE = NIGHTMARE (Part Five)

Seriously...
I don't know what is wrong with this family...
Or should I say what is wrong with me?
I just DISLIKE everything they do recently...
Maybe because of the incident cause by his sister...

Here goes the story...
Well, his mother's situation is not that stable...
Because maybe he can't accept that her father passed away...
So, she is now in Penang for quite a time...

Before his grandfather passed away...
She was already getting a depression...
So, his father have no choice but to sent his wife home...
It means that the house left us three and them four...

It was okay...
I don't mind tidying up the house and doing some chores...
But, every time I do it...
I GUARANTEE you that it won't last a second...
The next thing you come back...
The house is a MESS again...
WTH!!!

When this happen...
I swear to God that I won't going to clean up the mess again...
Just let it be...
And all his father and brother did was say her...
No action at all...
Since like that...
So I thought...
Who am I to scold her?
Her family also don't want to bother anymore...
Why should I?
Waste my time and energy...
I just hope that my dearest son won't be like her...

And there was the other thing to pissed me off is that...
I really try very hard to forget it and forgive her...
But...
To tell you the truth...
I CAN'T!!!

The story starts on one day she went it to my room to play with Little King...
Then she saw the "SPONGE-BOB"(the thing to tie your hair in a different shape) packet...
Then, she asked that if she could borrow...
At first, I just IGNORE her and PRETEND I didn't heard her...
But she just kept asking...
And that ANNOYED me...
So I agreed to borrow her...
And give it back to me on Friday night...

On Friday night...
I saw the SPONGE-BOB was TIED to a racket...
And she was asleep in the living room...
I was like...
WTF...
A nice SPONGE-BOB...
And it was SUPPOSE TO BE ON YOUR HAIR NOT A RACKET!!!
I was seriously very angry that night...
And my hubby become the victim of my anger...
I'm sorry...

Because I had to work on Saturday...
So hubby bought me the SPONGE-BOB to let me tie my hair easily...
It was a surprise gift from him and it is very special to me...
And on that day...
When I wanted to use it...
I found it BROKEN...
DAMN!!!

I wake him up quickly...
And he become my victim again...
How am I supposed to go to work without it...
And as I mentioned...
This is a special gift from him...
How could she...
Until now, I'm so DAMN angry about it...
Even though that he bought me another new one...
But the original meaning wasn't there anymore...

After that...
I totally IGNORE her...
And won't let her play with Little King...
I am cruel I know...
But when you mess with me and didn't even apologize...
There's your consequences!!!

After that...
On Monday...
Because she have school...
She went in to my room and take the SPONGE-BOB from my room herself early in the morning...
She must have thought that I didn't know...
I just don't want to waste my energy and scold her plus waking up my Little King...
And the way she act...
Reminds me again that...
What his mother said to me few months ago...
She said : " 你读了那么多年的书，你妈妈你老师就没有教你什么是道德吗？"
And look what her precious daughter DID...

I won't be able to forgive because I don't have a BIG heart...
And I won't be able to forget how you hurt my heart so DEEPLY...
I just hope that the SCAR you guys make won't get infected or get worst...

Here...
I feel deeply sorry that I didn't went back to be in mourning...
Because I can't left Little King alone with my mother again...
I don't want to trouble her so much...
Plus Little King is having fever because he had injection...
I need to take care of him...
I don't want to know how they feel or think...
Because it makes me feel guilty for not going back...
It makes me feel like I'm disrespect...

To dear Grandfather of Lun...
Although we didn't have so much time spending with each other...
But I think that you are a strong and a great man indeed...
Because you suffered from lots of illness...
Please do protect Big Lun and Little King with all your mighty powers...
Thank you...
We will be missing you...
Me and Little King will visit you whenever the time allows us to...

P/S : Given up to clean the mess that you guys made in the house...
It's time for you guys to realize that after making SHITS you have to clean it on your own...
By the way, looking for a NEW house and I hope I didn't as soon as possible...
And I found a NEW job...
It was home-based data entry...
Had to wait their calls...
Seriously hope that they call me as soon as possible...
Seriously need money for living... ><''

如果不坚强，懦弱给谁看？

夏至过后，气温急剧升高，整个身体似乎处于脱水状态，迫切地渴望水源，却始终孤立无缘，不可救赎。降水少得可怜，大地被火辣的日光残忍的撕开了无数的口子，喝泥水的孩子用眼神诉说着自己的委屈和期盼，我用最后的残存的力气坚守着自己的梦想和期待。

人 的一生如此短暂，人的生命又如此的渺小，我们能该变的太少太少，很多时候，我们能做的只有无奈的接受，很多事情，也只能随风而去，那些青春年少时的天马行 空早已支离破碎，甚至连零星的碎片也无从追寻；岁月如同手中的细沙，越是握得紧越容易失去，终于我不再年轻，年龄渐渐的写在脸上，留下了流年的痕迹，我开 始想珍惜自己所爱的一切，可始终不能接受不喜欢的东西，依然不能强颜欢笑，快不快乐都暴露无遗，过着最真实的日子。。

从成 人开始，就应该学会独立，不能躲在父母的羽翼下逃避困难，因为他们的银丝提醒着我们，父母老了，将来我们要用强壮的臂膀来守护，把责任放在肩上，并且一无 反顾。人最后只有一个结果—死亡，谁也逃不掉，从生到死的过程里，还得拼命的折腾，如果我懂得了苦难不可避免，还会那么害怕吗？如那不可逃脱的死亡一样， 勇敢的面对，或许趟过了痛苦的河流，就能到达幸福的彼岸，人真的很需要信仰，死至不渝的坚信一些东西，例如，头破血流还在梦想的路上颠沛留离，记得对自己 说：坚持就是胜利；心力交悴也要在真爱未来的时候爱惜自己，鼓励自己：在下一个转角就会遇见。真的，一切不可能随心所欲，人生更不可能一帆风顺，要么坚持 到底，要么永不放弃，我们别无选择，因为我们的生命只有一次。

绝望来临的时候，我会封闭自己，任其自生自灭，我倔强的把坚 强表现出来，我从来都不认为自己是一个内心脆弱外表坚强的女子，我有足够的能量去承受苦痛，我不怕失去任何东西，却又偏执于失去之物，总是觉得只有时间才 能证明一切，如那陈香老酒，越是久远，味道就越是醇香，可是我忽略了时间还可以冲淡一切，没有把事物一分为二来看待。我不知道身为一个女子喜欢冒险到底好 不好，我喜欢选择艰难的路，而且无怨无悔，尽管时常伤痕累累。

生活不相信眼泪，我深信不疑，以致我认为流泪是软弱的表现，所以不轻易掉泪，尤其是人前，最后，我知道了真正的坚强不是不流泪，而是自己亲手拭去眼角的泪滴，随即展开笑容。如果觉得苦，就痛快的哭出声吧，男人哭吧都不是罪，何况是女子？

如果不坚强，懦弱给谁看？没有人可以拯救谁，只有自己才是自己的救世，没有不好的人，只有不好的心态，我不知道未来会怎么样，我只知道，无论怎么样，我都不怕。

亲爱的，我能做的只有这样！

不是我想插手，是到了忍无可忍的时候！

为什么做人要做到那么绝？

答应了人家的东西又不给人家！

就是因为你当初说好了会把洗衣机和冰箱卖给她，她才会告诉新搬来的人说：“这里有洗衣机和冰箱！”

言而无信！现在你要她怎么像新来的人交代？

学你们一句：“我不知道！”就可以当做没事吗？

搬家就搬家，为何留一大堆垃圾给她自己一个人清理？

留下的垃圾还不要紧，连自己的衣服底裤不要了都留在那边给人家清理！

交个水费电费都要三催四请！

现在门坏了都没有一个肯去找人来修理，又是把责任丢给她！

请问，门是她弄坏的吗？

在此，向提醒你们如果找到人修理门的话，请你们把弄门的费用还回给慧玲！

我看你们搬出去都没有跟屋主讲一声的咯！

想搬就搬，拍拍屁股就这样把所有的问题都丢给她解决！

现在如果在四月前找不到人来租大方的话，那大房的钱屋主就要慧玲负责！

她的状况大家都知道，为了生活，为了上课，她得做工赚钱，赚的都不够给自己用！

你说她这么承担这重重的责任？

何慧玲到底有什么得罪你们使到你们要这样对她？

亏她还处处为你们着想！

你们有事的时候，她都会伸出援手！

能帮的她一定帮！

这是她该得到的待遇吗？

你们搬了过后还跟我说：“我很怕他们等下得罪了那边的屋主，赶他们出来，那他们就无家可归咯！”

死傻婆！笨到无药可救！

当初一起买的冰箱，现在你们都搬走了。

是否该把原价还回给慧玲？

做人，请不要做到那么狠，那么毒，那么绝！

人有三衰六旺，你也会有需要到他人帮忙的时候！

都说了，不是我想插手，是到了忍无可忍的极限！

Posted on Facebook, but deleted by Class Representative.

And copied by Eddy, Sheng Yew and Yee Kian who paste it on to their notes!

Should I ask for copyright fees? =)

To Believe Or Not To Believe

Yesterday went to see the Sifu with my mum...
Of course...
Baby King is coming along...
Because Sifu wanted to see King King... ^^

Sifu said this year I MAY have another coming...
MUST MUST MUST prevent from getting pregnant again...

Sifu said this year my health is not that good...
And I felt it too...
He said lungs, large intestine, liver and stomach MUST take care properly...
And the worst part is...
He told me that I had to sleep before 2am...
And this was a very challenging one...
OMG!!!

Sifu also said that whenever I am alone...
Don't think so much...
Be optimism always...
(I guess this is the only way to prevent me from hurting myself again...)

And one very very IMPORTANT one...
Sifu said that I had to control my temper...
Whatever happened also must be hard-hearted enough don't say anything...
LOL!!!

Lucky to have this blog...
Can express through here...
Haha...
LONG-LIVE INTERNET!!! =D

Yes...
I ADMIT...
I am a bit of superstition...
But...
After listening to the Sifu...
It some how calm me down very very much... =)
Anyway will try my best to take care myself...
This is the only way in order to watch my baby King grow up... ^^

P/S : Sifu said that it is DESTINED that me and my hubby to be husband and wife...
So I am not going to say that I want to divorced again...
(Well, sometimes MAYBE will think of it)
Will try to solve the problem if not just leave it and let it be... =)

NEW LIFE = NIGHTMARE (Part Four)

Since this mother is not around...
I am actually according to them...
It's responsible for all the house chores...
Ya...
I know that I'm suppose to help out...
But shouldn't they help out a bit too?
Do I need to voice out every time?

It's been very very tired after school and work...
When reached home need to...
Sweep the floor...
Wipe the floor...
Wash the clothes...
Hang the clothes...
Wash dishes...
Put back everything to the right place that they left it just there after using it...
Some more...
At night need to take care of Hin Hin...
Luckily he sleeps until the next morning...

All this also never mind...
I can accept...
But something I really really can't accept what he had done to me this morning...

I won't forgive him no matter what...
Want to know what he did?

... ASK HIM!!! ...

After that...
He went to take his sister out to school...

Then...
When I woke up...
It's was 7.30am already...
It is considered late...
Because I haven't pack the things that was suppose to bring...

When I walked to the living room..
I saw him using my Lappie...
If he can opened means my password need to be change...
How can he do so?
Didn't his parents taught him that taking people's belongings without asking permission is wrong?
Know what he answered?
He said I DON'T LOVE HIM!

Does love equal to sex?
Does love means you have to give whatever the other half wants even you refuse to?
I don't think so...
In another words...
I OBJECT!!!

Since this is the case...
Then...
I rather DIVORCED...
And start a new life with my son...
I rather raise my son up by myself than counting on him or his family...
And there is a problem if I'm really going to DIVORCED...
He said he want Hin Hin...

What can I do?
God-Brother suggested that don't think any more...
Finish my studies while earn some money for my own if anything happened...
After that only see how and what to do...

This means that I had to be EXTREMELY patient for this two years...
ISH ISH ISH!!!

Am planning to record whatever they did wrong on here...
And if I decided to go...
I am going to write a list of this shits out on a paper...
And just leave the letter there...
And take Hin Hin out of the house and NEVER EVER come back...

Just by thinking of it makes me excited and very the DAMN happy... ^^